Do you suffer from Boy Apartment?

22 Sep

Guys, today I’m talking directly to you about an age-old mystery: how to impress the ladies. Let me guess what you’re thinking: Sexy hint of cologne? Six-pack abs? Your most-endearing pickup line? No, no and no!

We’re most impressed when you make an effort to avoid Boy Apartment. We’re not demanding throw pillows and scented wall plug-ins — just a little forethought.

  1. Boy Apartment (proper noun) is the result of heterosexual adult men living independently, without the aid of a female companion and/or gay best friend. Symptoms include tiny hairs in the bathroom corners, Friday night’s crusty dishes, terrible bedding, toothpaste with the cap off and the smell of garbage. There is no known cure.

Take this quiz and discover the things we’ll never tell you are grossing us out:

• Bedding: Are you sleeping on sheets that resemble potato sacks, with pillows no thicker than the latest  Vogue? Are you sleeping under a ratty, stained duvet?
*If you answered yes to any of these questions:
There is lots of affordable bedding in NYC that don’t include street carts. Try TJ Maxx or Filene’s, or Bed, Bath & Beyond during a sale.

• Clutter: Do you have used Kleenex and last year’s baseball ticket stubs on your dresser?
*Remedy:
If it’s trash, throw it away. Anything you don’t use on an hourly basis can be put into a drawer. Rooms look tidier and more inviting without ‘stuff’ covering every surface. The Container Store has great drawer organizers. (For further study, see Folding and Putting Away Your Clothes.)

• Dust: That extra-fluffy coating atop your entertainment center? Is neither cute nor cuddly.
*Remedy:
Stock up on Swiffer dusting cloths and invest in a small vacuum, which comes with a hose attachment. Easy to empty the canister, lightweight, $60.

• Bathroom: Are your floors covered with Boy Hair? Is there dried up toothpaste in the sink? Does the shower drain look mildew-free and unclogged today?
*Remedy:
Tilex-type product + your all-purpose cleaner of choice + paper towels. Please.

• Kitchen: Press your palm down on the counter. How many crumbs or miscellaneous substances are imbedded into your hand?
*Remedy:
Scotch-Brite pads + paper towels or dish towel + countertop cleaner + drying rack + discipline.

• Garbage: Have you taken it out this year? Are there flies or gnats about? Do you have a bag in the freezer to compost food scraps?
*Remedy:
COMPOST (or get a fly swatter). Try never to throw food in the garbage can unless you take the trash out daily. Especially in hot weather, that stuff smells.

• Towels: Do yours smell like mildew? Are they soft and fluffy, or old and gross? Do they have ProActiv bleach stains? Do you have at least two that match?
*Remedy:
I love these towels and recommend them to boys (and girls) the world over.

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2 Responses to “Do you suffer from Boy Apartment?”

  1. SamL 09/26 at 6:08 am #

    Sarah, this item is just so apt. I’ve lost count of the number of guys I’ve known who seem incapable of living any sort of civilised life without either their mother, or a compliant female…

    Will it ever change? I doubt it. What what do you think is the percentage of the male population, that can look after themselves, vs the fully paid up slob livers?

    Sam xxx

  2. Ana Rebeca Gonzalez 10/12 at 8:07 pm #

    Omg, this is so true. Those ubiquitous tiny hairs drive me insane…

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