Can you walk and not piss people off at the same time?

1 Oct

The natives get restless when tourists and newcomers use the sidewalk, subway platforms, escalators or stairs to do anything other than get the hell out of their way. It’s true: The two most important words for pedestrians on the New York City streets is KEEP MOVING!

Here are the top 10 “violations” guaranteed to draw scrutiny from the stressed-out masses:

1) Exiting the subway, then standing at the top of the stairs while you reach for your phone, sunglasses, umbrella, coat, map, whatevs.
2) Texting while walking. Even if you think you’re good at it.
3) Standing in the middle of the sidewalk to admire the skyscrapers (or rummage through your purse, or do anything).
4) Walking three or more abreast. Broadway in SoHo is especially bad, what with the gaggles of shopping girls linking arms.
5) Smoking for a captive audience. If there are people who can’t avoid being downwind of you, and you’re exhaling every which way, people will be VERY pissed off. And by people, I mean me.
6) On a related note, each time you indiscriminately litter by chucking your cigarette butt on the sidewalk? Make sure you don’t hit a passerby. Because ouch. And also because LAWSUIT!
7) The four magic words for public transit*: LET PEOPLE OFF FIRST.
8) Spitting on the sidewalk. Gum on the sidewalk. Loogies on the sidewalk.
9) Closing your soaked umbrella any way but verrrrrry slowly. Get in the line of fire, and those things are worse than a wet dog drying off.
10) Being That Guy with a golf umbrella only OctoMom should be allowed to use. Especially under scaffolding. Shut it down!

Quick tip: On especially packed sidewalks, I walk that little strip of street between the curb/scaffolding and the parked cars. It can be kind of grimy there (watch for puddles and grease), but it’s like being in the HOV lane. Beep beep, y’all.

*Also, this is my one-sentence rant on subway pole leaners. Because no.

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4 Responses to “Can you walk and not piss people off at the same time?”

  1. Marinka 10/01 at 9:02 am #

    Perfect. Also, don’t stop short when you’re walking down the street. Because there are other people behind you.

    Also, on subway stairs, walk on the right side.

    I have many more. It may be easier for everyone just to stay at home.

  2. NYC Rhymology 10/01 at 11:46 am #

    And for christ’s sake KEEP RIGHT–esp. you folks from countries where they drive on the left, so you think walking on the left is just fine and dandy.

  3. Jocelyn 10/03 at 12:53 pm #

    Do not stand in the doorway of the subway. Do not. Do not. Do not. Do not. And for crying out loud, have a heart and give the pregnant ladies and the little old men your seat!

  4. Marissa Deyo 03/13 at 9:31 pm #

    Looking forward to reading through more. Great blog post.Many thanks again. Wonderful.

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